Thunder Report Feb 23 2000

Well, here we are, another night of WCW television. Here's an idea: Why don't we just set each other on fire?? It would be a lot less painfull.

Show opens with sh*t we already saw on Nitro. God, why must they torture us like this?

Kevin and his porn nurses come out. Nash has "amnesia" Gee, what a good angle! WCW worker reminds him that he is Kevin Nash and that he is comissioner. Nash tells his "nurses" they all need to go do some comissioning. Damn, five minutes to the show and it already sucks.

F*CK! 3 count and their shitty song! WHY WCW? WHY? WHY? WHY? Thank god Fit FInley comes out.

Fit Finley vs. Evan Karagis: Damn good match! Evan's fairy freinds try to get involved and Fit cleans house. He totally dominates 3 Suck. Trash cans and debris is all over the place. He puts Evan in a piledriver and gets the win. Winner: Fit Finly

Bobby(I should be on Nitro) Hennan and Mike (I know everything there is to know about wrestling or so I think) Tenay plug's tonight's matches. Sid (I'm a better heel than a face) will fight Lex (I totally suck).

Next they show us Nash in his wheelchair and his nurses. Nash is going on about Batman or something. DAMN THIS IS F*CKING REDICULOUS!!

Jarrett is seen TALKING to Mean Gene.

commercial break Buff is been flirting with Daphne, she screams in his face. Hilarious, but pointless segment.

Ric Flair's theme comes out and he talks. WHAT THE F*CK! WE ARE HALF HOUR INTO THE SHOW AND ONLY ONE F*CKING MATCH!! Vampiro comes out and challanges Flair. He tells Flair that he is going to kick his ass! THIS I WANT TO SEE!

Mean Gene is seen talking to La Parka. WHAT A SH*TTY VOICEOVER JOB!! Even Mean Gene says not back to this crap again!

commercial break Ok, two commercial breaks and only one match into the show! WCW, YOU CAN KISS MY ASS! David is seen confronting Daffy about talking to Buff. Another pointless segment!

Nash is seen with his nurses agian. He things he is commissioner Gorden from the Batman comics. DAMN, THIS IS STUPID SH*T! He gets on the phone and calls "Alfred". Alfred turns out to be Ralphus. AND THE F*CKING POINT TO THIS SEGMENT WAS??

Berlyn vs. La Parka: Finally, WCW does something right! La Parka is the sh*t! I hope he gets a major ass push! Match is quick paced, La Parks comes of the top rope and pins Berlyn. La Parka does his litle victory dance at the end. =) Winner: La Parka (YES!)

Buff comes up and confronts Kidman and Whorrie Wilslut about Kidcam. Kidman tells Buff his camera has been stolen. F*CKING POINTLESS BULLSHIT TALKING!

commercial break Mene Gene is seen talking to Tank (God I shouldn't even be here) Abott. Mike Jones (also formerly known as Virgil, Vincent, Curly Bill, Shane, Easter Bunnny, etc.) interupts. TALKING, POINTLESS F*CKING TALKING! Right about now I wish my sound was broke on TBS like it is on TNT.

Buff Bagwell vs. David Flair: Pointles match, Daffeny looks totally cool with the purple wig and Purple People Eater shirt though. Maestro and Symphony come out. Daffeny has a crowbar and is on the top rope. David accidently knocks her off and onto Maestro. David distracted by this and Buff gets the win. After match, Maestro comes in and attacks Buff, only to get knocked over the top rope. Winner:Buff Bagwell

commercial break Replay of Superbore.

Tank Abott vs. Mike Jones: I refuse to watch Abbott, I switch to Hot Off The Grill With Bobby Flay on FOODTV. Winner: My guess would be Abott, WCW are sh*theads and giving this uncle-f*cking d*ckhole a push.

I turn back to Thunder. POINTLES F*CKING GOTHAM CITY SEGMENT! NO ONE GIVES A F*CK ABOUT THIS ANGLE! IT'S STUPID!

Vampiro vs. Ric Flair: Almost was a damn good match! Vampiro dominated most of it and Ric actually sold most of the moves! Ric then dominted. Once Vampiro picked up steam agan, Lex and his bitch came out. Lex hit Vampiro in the back of the leg with the baseball bat. Flair applies the figure four and gets the win. GOD FORBID YOU F*CKING JOB RIC!! Lex and Flair assult Vampiro in the ring after the match. Winner: Ric Flair with the help of Lex and his b*tch. God forbid anyone younger than 45 gets put over in WCW.

Dustin Runnels is seen walking backstage.

commercial break We see Vampiro rubbing his knee backstage. He gets a reverse decision in his match. Fit Finly attacks him. And the point to this was??

Booker T and Kidman with Whorrie Wilslut is seen back stage, TALKING! OH F*CKING JOY! MORE TALKING!

Dustin Runnels gets in the ring looking like a pirate from hell. He TALKS. GOD DAMN TALKING! GIVE ME A F*CKING BREAK! I change the channel.

I turn back to Thunder. Prince Jobbalotta and the Nitro Slut Fromerly Known as Storm come to the ring. We then hear screaming and crazy laughter. YES! It's CROWBAR! This guy is awesome!

Crowbar vs. Prince Jobbalotta: Very, very good match! Crowbar should have a belt, not Prince Jobbalotta. Things get real interesting when Daffney comes to the ring. She climbs in the ring and flirts with Prince Jobbalotta. Nitro Slut Formerly Known As Storm acts like she is flirting with Crowbar, then slaps him. She sees Daffney and flips. She rips the purple wig off of Daffney, and a catfight begins. Somehow, Price Jobbalotta gets the win. Winnner:Prince Jobbalotta

Wall is seen walking backstage, It is announced that he will fight next. I change the channel to Law and Order, I can't stand the Wall.

I turn back to Thunder and see Booker T and Kidman in the ring against the Harris Boys. Harris boys dominate and get the win. Winner:Harris Boys

Sid is seen walking backstage. He is up next.

commercial break I switch back to Law and Order. I switch back to Thunder, time for the main event.

Sid vs. Lex Lugar: In compare to the previous matches of the night, this one was quite lame. Three minutes into it and I'm bored. Ric comes to the ring. It dawns on me that all three men are former Horsemen. B*tch hands Lex the bat. He hits Sid in the knee with it. OH MY GOD, Sid SELLS THE HIT! Lugar and Flair continue to assult Sid. Winner: No one, ref threw out the match.

Jeff Jarrett and the Harris boys decide to go to the ring and join in on assulting Sid. Mickey J stops them, only to recieve a guitar shot to the head.

Actually, Thunder wasn't a bad as I thought it would be tonight. Some very good matches were presented. The Nash angle is quite hideous though. But Thunder sure wasn't the suckfest the Nitro was this past Monday.

See you all at NITRO!

Mona Levy

Feb 21 Nitro Review:

God damn did Nitro suck tonight or what??

OK. Jarrett and Harris boys get out the limo, I go to the ladies room.

Lex and his stupid b*tch come out to the ring, Lex talks. Hogan come out and talks. I go get a Pepsi One, happy that the sound on my TV on TNT is broke so I can't hear this useless sh*t.

Mark (I suck so bad, god bring Bobby Hennan back already) Madden and Tony (I used to be hot looking in the NWA days) Schiavone plug the matches for tonight. I see a pic of Hogan (I'm old and can't wrestle for sh*t) vs Lugar (I'm a narcisistic jackass) in a cage match for tonight. Excuse, didn't these sh*theads fight last night?? Why torture us all over again?? Damn, kill Bill Busch already.

Jeff Jarett, Harris boys, and NWO Porn chics come out, MORE F*CKING TALKING!!

Sid arrives.

Kidman and Whorrie Wilslut look for something, I don't know what it is, since the sound of my TV on TNT is broke, and frankly I don't care.

commercial break

GOD DAMN GET TO THE WRESTLING ALREADY!

Madusa (I'm a f*cking useless no talent b*tch, I lost a retirement match years ago, but I'm sucking Busch's d*ck and I'm getting a push) is having a temper tantrum backstage.

I ask someone online what Madusa was bitching about. It seems they flew her out to Nitro and she didn't have a match. THEN BUY A PLANE TICKET AND TAKE YOUR F*CKING ASS HOME B*TCH!

Kidman Vs. Lash Laroux

Even though I like Lash, I know Kidman is going to win this one. The match was ok, until the Harris Twins show up and clobbered both men. I think back to when Sid did that during his "streak". Damn WCW, think up something new already. Winner: No one. WCW are sh*theads and having the Harris Boys fuck up this match was lame.

Vampiro is shown walking backstage.

commercial break Ok, we've gone about 45 minutes and only one f*cking match so far. I thought this was WCW WRESTLING, not WCW TALKING. Damn, this is bullsh*t.

Buff is seen talking to Symphony. I guess since his angle with Page and Bimberly is done, he will fued with Maestro now. **YAWN**

Vampiro Vs. Fit Finley Why?? These are two diiferent wrestling styles, and no storyline. Both of these men have a good workrate (unlike 90% of WCW), but putting these two agaisnt each other is not a good match. Seconds into the match, I'm bored. I turn to FOODTV to see Emeril Lagasse cook something. Winner:I have no clue who won and I could care less.

Buff and Maestro are being seperated by security. Wasn't Bufff injured, and not able to compete? Or so he says. Lazy asshole

La Parka (YES!) is seen reading the newspaaper, until Madusa (the biggest f*cking d*ck sucking b*tch in wrestling) walks up to him and whispers something in his ear. She walks away. I pray that Mona is on tonight, so she can beat Madusa's ass.

commercail break Once agin, only one f*cking match, too bad it was a snooze

Nitro whores dance. This isn't Solid Gold folks!! I go get another Pepsi One and some BBQ Pork Rinds. As Emeril Lagasse would say PORK FAT RULES BABY!

Gene talks to Booker T. MORE F*CKING TALKING?? COME ON WCW. GET TO THE WRESTLING! I'm so glad the sound is broke on my TV on TNT. Right about now I am hoping Ted Turner and Bill Busch die and burn in hell.

Marmalukes come out with Disco Inferno. Disco Inferno gets on the mic. More f*cking talking, there's a surprise. Damn, these pork rinds are good, too bad this show is sh*tty.

Booker T. comes out, so I guess we have a match.

Booker T. vs. The Marmalukes Decent match, or so I though. Booker is very talented. WCW needs to put a belt back on him. Disco Inferno gets involved. They triple team Booker T. Ref throws match out. The sh*ttly threesome comtinue their assult on Booker. I pray that Daphne, Crowbar and Davy come out. DOA (opps, I mean Harris Boys) come out and clean house for no useless f*cking reason. F*CKING LAME ENDING TO WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD MATCH! Winner: None thanks to Disco's interference

More talking. Gene, Terry (I'm older than God and have no f*cking business in a ring) Funk and Dustin (my ex-wife is more over than I am) Runnels. I go to the ladies room, thanking god that the sound is broke on my TV on TNT.

Sid is seen laughing at God knows what.

oh joy another commercial break I swich over to FOODTV. Emeril is over and Gordon Elliot's DoorKnock Dinners in on. Why would you let some strangers come into your house, go in your fridge and cubbbards, and cook up things from what they find in your fridge and cubbards? This is show's concept folks. I go to CNN. Al Gore vs Bill Bradley in a debate. This loooks good, even though I'm not a screaming liberal. Anything is better than Nitro at this point.

I turn back to Nitro and I that useless uncle f*cking d*ckhole Oklahoma sitting at the announcer's table. (Oh gee, Ferrara's putting himself over again.) I hope Mona is on. Prince Jobbalotta and the Nitro Slut formerly known as Storm come to the ring.

La Parka come out, so I guess no women's match.

La Parka vs. Prince Jobbalotta. Pretty good until dumbass shithead Oklahoma gets in the ring. QUIT PUTTING YOURSELF OVER F*CKHEAD!! He takes the mask off La Parka. It's Madusa in the La Parka outfit. OH GREAT, JUST F*CKING GREAT. NOW HE IS PUTTING THAT NO TALENT B*TCH MADUSA OVER TOO! WCW can kiss my ass and f*ck itself sideways right now. The real La Parka gets in the ring, gets a chair and waffles Oklahoma! GO LA PARKA! If only he would waffle the b*tch with the chair too! Prince Jobbalotta off the top rope, and covers La Parka for the win. Could have been a good match had those two shitheads from hell, Madusa and Oklahoma not f*cked it up. Prince Jobbalotta stands in the corner while the Nitro Slut formerly known as Storm crawls to him. GOD HOW STUPID DOES THIS LOOK?!?!? Winner: Prince Jobbalotta

commercial break

Ric Flair is screamning about something while Lex flexes his steriods, thank god I can't hear what he's saying. Damn Ric, no one gives a sh*t, get off my TV. Same with Lex and his b*tch.

Funk and Runnels head to the ring for a tag team match. I refuse to watch Funk in action. I swich back to FOODTV. DoorKnock Dinners is still on. I switch back to CNN and watch the debate. God I miss the Regan era.

I switch back to Nitro. Runnels is attacking Funk. Ok, first they were tag partners, now this. But hey, this is WCW, nothing has to make sence. DIE TURNER! I switch back to the debate.

I switch back to Nitro, Funk being loaded in ambulance. I go to the ladies room. Maybe Funk will finally retire, we can only hope.

I come back into the room. Sid is talking, More f*cking talking, god forbid they show WRESTLING. I switch back to the debate.

I switch back to Nitro, Buff is in the ring against Maestro. GOD THIS IS F*CKING BORING!! Cat comes to the entrance way. Maestro gets distracted by him, and Buff gets the win. Like Buff (I'm an arrogant asshole) is going to put anyone over. Cat has the mic. DAMNIT!! MORE F*CKING TALKING!! I switch back to the debate and get another Pepsi One.

I turn back to Nitro. Wall walking around. Sid gets in limo and leaves. THAT WAS F*CKING POINTLESS!!

Nitro Whores damce in cages. Not only is this not Solid Gold, but these chicks can't dance for sh*t.

commercial break Nitro back on. Scene from WCW Sat Night. Hacksaw Jim Duggan has a belt. Robert Gibson (does anyone besides me remember and miss the Rock and Roll express) jobs to him. Steven Regal on TV. Duggan and him exchange words. They wrestle. Duggan loses. WHY IN THE HELL DID THEY RESHOW THIS ON NITRO??

Bamm Bamm Bigelow vs. The Wall. I like Bammers, but I can't stand the Wall. Why is the Wall even getting a push?? He sucks! I switch to the debate. Winner: I have no f*cking clue and I don't care.

I turn back to Nitro, Ric Flair is beating up Jummy Hart. DAMN THIS SHOW SUCKS TONIGHT!

Flair adn Lex drag Jimmy down to the arena. They are getting ready for the main **YAWN** event. I refuse to watch this sh*t anymore. I turn the TV off.

GOD DAMN! GET RID OF BUSCH ALREADY! BRING BACK BISCHOFF! Things will only get worse if something isn't done.

See you at Thunder,

Mona Levy

Email Me at MonaManiac1@aol.com